Caught in suspension

Night Skies.

2010-11-19T10:03:00.000-08:00

Here I am lying on my back,
facing the night skies,
with stars so bright..
every just feels right.

But then again..
i can't help but to look around,
wondering if you would show up.
haha, i know you won't.

there's no invitation in the first place,
If i could describe you,
I'd say you are from a different world,
where I can't seem to reach.

Day by day,
I d check to see if you have arrived,
seems like a routine to me now.
and.. i can't explain why.

occasionally, i see you right there,
just meters away,
but courage doesnt seem to be my best friend,
only assumption is.

I tried very hard,
but the thought of me screwing up,
making a fool of myself..
I'd laugh at my own stupidity.

If i could describe you.
If i could..

Ever existing beauty..
simple but complex personality..
typical but just a pinch of mystery..
helps me hope..
even if you didn't know it..
really... I'm still figuring out how to do this.

All i can say is..
"You are the most beautiful girl i ve ever seen."

=Seems Like Another Day.
When You wake up in the morning.. wishing your dreams were real.

When it rains..

2010-03-13T08:25:00.000-08:00

When it rains..
The sun is covered in dark clouds..
Dark cloud covers the view of Heaven..
Raindrops fall down from heaven above.

I looked up and saw nothing but darkness,
the cold raindrops reminded me of my life,
how it is cold and how it doesn't seem right.
A small raindrop hurts like a prick in your skin.

Under the roof, there's depression.
Screams are sounding off at every corner,
Worry is rising from the depth of the heart,
silent cries which remains unheard.

I find joy in playing the drums,
because it silence the world around me,
only the sound of the beat,
and the sound of the stage could be heard.

But there's always a hope,
when it rains, you can see the sun
shining oh so bright,
as the rainbow appear after it rains.

The sound of the crowd,
under the stage
cheering you on,
still can be heard.

The world around me,
it still matters,
it still meanings something,
it still brings joy.

Under the roof,
it is the screams that make me appreciate,
it is the worry that motivates me
it is the cry that makes joy worth laughing about.

It is when it rains,
you know it's going to stop,
and so you wait,
patiently for heaven to appear again.

it is through the dark times when we wait for God,
but God never fails to show himself,
by drying up the rainwater,
by showing us a rainbow of hope.

A hand on your shoulder..
telling you to hold on..
just a little longer,
the rain will stop soon..

The most beautiful words you can say to a boy,
a boy like me..

"thank you Father for such words"
Kenji

-seems like another day, where hope is renewed and we live for yet another day.

A letter to you.

2010-01-05T09:07:00.000-08:00

10 ways to show I love you.

1. I love you when i help you finish your food to save you from the crime of wasting food.
2. I love you when i tell you that you are perfect the way you are =D
3. I love you when i tell you the truth.
4. I love you when i let you soak my shoulder with tears.
5. I love you when i try so very hard to cheer you up.. unfortunately i m not really good at it XD
6. I love you when i make those special sweet words just for you.
7. I love you when i share your sadness and your pain with you without you knowing it.
8. I love you when i listen to you when you asked me not to go on a diet.
9. I love you when i try so very hard to understand you.
10. I love when i wrote this post and say happy birthday! =D

well, this is it.. as promised. =D

"Seems like another day when we all just feel like blessing someone with words =)"
From your loving friend..
Kenji

Be still..

2009-12-05T01:53:00.000-08:00

Walking towards the bus stop in a storm,
it was the first time i ever felt cold under the rain,
for the first time..
I didn't want to be under the rain.

I was shivering,
as if I was in Antarctica,
the only thing lacking,
was polar bears and penguins.. and of course.. ice.

The wind blew the rain into my face,
it was.. cold.. very cold.
I hugged my bag tightly,
hoping that heat may somehow reach my skin.

Relieve came when I saw the bus,
I rushed out but the bus couldn't see me in the storm,
It passed me.. like how time passed.. cruelly.
Disappointed.. frustrated.. angry.

I sat down in the rain to prevent anymore missed opportunities.
A bus came and i hoped on,
sadly.. I've made a mistake.
It doesn't take me to my destination.

Drenched.. cold.. and impatient.
I kept looking at my phone every minute,
hoping someone would send me a message,
maybe that will relieve my suffering.

Finally I entered the bus,
The air conditioning was blowing directly at my face,
i pushed it aside,
hugging my bag tightly until i reached my destination.

I was relieved to return home.

Much like love,
The wait is unbearable..
Frustrating.
and opportunities might just pass you by.

But it's all a joke,
a final twist to your ending,
when you finally reach where you wanna be.. next to him or her,
The wait was worth it.

It's the wait that grows you,
that trains you,
that makes the ending valuable..
makes the ending worth it.

It's the ending that makes laugh,
and it's the cure for the wait,
it's the reward you get,
for the endurance.

Wait... opportunities will be missed but others will come.
Wait and see.. then you will not get on the wrong bus.
Wait upon the Lord and you will not be wrong,
instead.. what you get will definitely last very long.

"Seems like another day where we realize that waiting is a form of happiness."
kenji

Beyond the words..

2009-11-26T08:26:00.000-08:00

A dreadful day.. morning sun was refreshing.
But it set just before afternoon came..
Woke up from my bed.. blur, unclear..
Then head out the front door while i pet my dog goodbye.
Hour or two later.. i return home frustrated.
Not knowing what to do.. or what to feel..

Beyond the words..
words are made for rational minds..
words are use to prove a point. which can sometimes lead to disaster.
words are use to hurt our love ones.
words are form so man would understand each other..
so that man could rationalize with words.. facts.

Beyond the words..
there where we should be..
at some point, words cant really get use anywhere..
all we can say is like "Gahh.." or "AHH!"
words are a let down.. it's hard to the right ones to say.
words are a let down.

Beyond the words..
a lawyer stood up in the court and defended his client.
but can his words be trusted?
is he defending the innocent or the guilty..
i doubt he even knows..
words can be used to twist the mind of the righteous.

Beyond the words..
feelings? or just the old "follow your heart" saying?
I honestly don't know..
I just wanna surrender.. i wish words wouldn't exist in my mouth..
so i wouldnt rationalize with the One who created words in the first place.
His words are used perfectly..
so rational.. to the extent that we cannot understand.

But beyond the words..
there is good in it..
"thank you", "hello!" or just a simple "nice to see you again"
are in fact words that heal the heart..
words that create laughter..
and smiles.

Beyond the words..
its good to see you smile,
despite knowing what I wrote.
As long as it was about you..
it was enough..
the words didn't matter..

Beyond the words,
i saw your feelings..
through the words you wrote.
I smiled.. i was glad you were happy.
If words are a currency,
i would definitely use it to buy your smile.

"seems like another day.. where the happiness fade and repentance came."
Kenji

Illusions.

2009-11-24T05:44:00.000-08:00

Love..
The world defines it as sex...
Love is sex they say.
If love is sex.. wouldnt you sleep with your family members to express your love?
In conclusion..
Love is not sex..
nor sex is love.

Love..
The world's way of expressing such emotion, feeling.. is just saddening.
In the movies..
Sally loves her husband so much she was willing to sleep with his boss..
..to help him keep his job..
If that is love.. shouldnt we all break our love one's heart just to express love?
Willing to cheat on your wife so you can give her riches..
That's just stupid.

Love..
The world's definition is twisted.
Holding hands with your girlfriend doesn't mean you love her..
A kiss, a hug.. they don't come close to expressing love.
Let's be reminded how to love.
It's so simple.. yet so complicated.

John 3.16 - For God so LOVE the world that he GAVE his only son....

Jesus.. My God.. My Lord.. My saviour..
His definition of love is giving..
He gave his best.. his life just so we can go back to God.
That's the greatest love story anyone can tell..
Even better than that story bout the boy taking a bullet for his girlfriend..
Jesus went through torment and torture for us..

Love..
The true way of loving is to give..
A hen will give up her body to protect the chicks from being a hawk's meal.
A husband gives his wife security,
his wife gives him support in return..
A husband gives up his happy day to comfort his wife when she is crying,
his wife gives in and submit to her husband when he makes a decision.

Love..
I don't know how to express my love towards the one who 1st love me..
Except acknowledge Him.. and spend time with him..
Listening to him..
Even though its hard.. but i m giving in and submitting to him.

What better way to love is there than giving?

'Seems like another day to look to the heavens above and imagine how far Jesus came just to give His life for us.'

Kenji

Love enough to let go..

2009-11-16T09:41:00.000-08:00

Unintentionally i saw a figure.. a shadow..
of the past, the memories, the gone..
Still can't let it go eh?
Smile on your face everyday,
Pushing back the sorrow and pain each day.

Curiosity? or was it just for fun?
I don't know..
Seems like you're tied down..
not knowing what to do..
Holding on to hopes..
which never existed.

Come on, get up..
Be a man..
Let go of the smile,
let go of those eyes..
Let go of the things you hold.

==========================================================

Worrying bout each day..
Worrying bout the price to pay..
Worrying bout the right words to say..
endlessly going on each day.

Drinking in your own tears..
Putting aside your fears..
After all those years..
words can't get through those ears..

It's ok..
I promise i will do the best to make it great for you in the future.. No matter how hard it takes. I got God along my side. Like i said before, the future will be where you will be carrying your grandchildren and smiles on everyone's face. Worries will disappear, only thing left is what you've always wanted. Peace and happiness.

Happy birthday dear mother =)
Kenji

Like another

2009-11-06T20:36:00.000-08:00

Like another day where we wake up and smile at the heavens..
Like another day where we eat breakfast and think bout our day ahead..
Like another day where we brush our teeth and make commitments to appointments..
Like another day where we dress up and ready for the challenges..

Like another day we disappoint ourselves..
Like another day we look in the mirror telling ourselves to do better..
Like another day we scream in our hearts..
Like another day we make mistakes..

Like another..
Like another..
Can't go living on like another person..
Get up! Its another day.. another moment.

Someday.. Somehow
I ll be able to smile again..
Looking back at those mistakes
just like another memory.

Kenji

Count the stars beneath the heavens

2009-10-23T09:05:00.000-07:00

Wow, i got a follower.. i didnt know.. hahah.

She never fails to keeps me speechless..

She never fails to make me anxious..

She never fails to anger me..

She never fails to look away..

I never fail to keep trying..

I never fail to say hi..

I never fail to say goodbye..

Never fail to keep counting the stars,
Never fail to keep hoping,
Never fail to keep waiting,
Never fail to keep wondering..

The story goes on..
Happy endings?
Dreaming on..
Tragic in the making?
Holding on..
Never fail at believing,
Going on..
nothing but the best is waiting..

Count the stars beneath the heavens,
Can you?
But I can.
I've named each of them by name,
Can you hope in me?
Can you settle for second best?
My promises never fail you.
Never EVER.

Kenji

Tisbury lane

2009-10-19T08:08:00.000-07:00

Sry, the title just seems cool to put at the moment :P.. it has nth to do with wat i m about to write..

Lets look into the drumset.. Each part teaches me different things.. its amazing how God can make something more than it seems..

1. The Bass Drum
The bass drum gives the bass sound and its wat all the rappers and hip hop music focus on.. Ever heard of Apologize by One Republic.. yea you know you focus on the bass drum. Hahah... The bass drum is like the heart of the song i guess, it gives the signal and syncronize with the bass guitar that makes the heavy tunes of a song.

The bass drum reminds me of my attitude, it's the base of how i fit in with people, how i communicate with people.. how i lead people when i m needed to.. if my attitude doesnt not sync with other instruments(people).. then things cannot be done.. and life would be alot tougher don't you think? We have to have the right attitude at the right time like a bass drum need to sound off at the right moment to create a perfect song.

2. The snare
The snare usually comes in after the bass drum.. the "TAk" sound.. hahaha.. It's something that gives crisp to da song.. without the snare.. it would be just bassy.. The snare too have to be whacked at the right timing to make the song sound good.. imagine if it was a slow and romantic song and the drummer does a fast rocking roll when the singer is in the whole emo expressive i love you part of the song? it will kill the whole song

Its kinda like our actions don't you think? It comes after our attitude. If you don't like something, obviously you can't do it right. If your base drum beat is out of tempo, your snare will in fact make it worse. Change our attitude towards things b4 we do it.. Get our bass drum tempo right b4 we even do a roll on the snare. For me personally, the bass drum is the one that keeps me on tempo. In other words, attitude kinda ensures your process and result of what you are doing.

3. Cymbals
The hi-hats, crashs and rides.. the one that every drummer cant get enough of.. some drummers have tons of this stuff. I've seen drummers have like 10 cymbals but only on use like.. 2 of them. Some of the cymbals are only hammered once throughout the whole song... Interesting eh? :P

I dare to say the cymbals are our commitment towards things. Hi-hat, the one that is constantly used.. the hi-hat sounds off together with the bass drum and the snare.. With a commitment, your attitude changes as well right? when your attitude change, ur actions change as well right?
Even though with just a bass drum and snare, a song can go on.. but with cymbals, the song gets more hyped up!

4. Toms
the one that goes "dummmm".. imagine that sound if you will. It is used to groove up the song, face it.. we will all get bored if we listened only to the snare. It's bassy sound is used to make the song more interesting. Some drummers uses 2 toms.. some used more than that. For me, i prefer 2 toms only as it makes everything soo much easier. hahaha

Well, i've got nothing much to say bout the toms.. as it is to groove up the song together with the snare. I guess this is where we go the extra mile in what we do.. What's wrong with making the result better right? go the extra mile, throw a few rolls on the toms when the time is right.. Hitting the toms at the wrong timing might kill the song too though, so we need to be watchful. Imagine if your uncle as you to paint his room walls, but you went the extra mile and painted his shoes, books and computer and tv.. what would he say? :P hahah

For my dream drumset, i like a simple one though.. a good bass drum, a good snare, 2 toms.. a good sounding hi-hat and a good sounding crash. maybe 2 good sounding crashes just so i wont get nervous about which 1 to hit and lose tempo :P.

I wanna have a good attitude towards things, learn to make me actions make the result awesome.. go the extra mile when only makes the result better, constant commitment which makes an awesome result =D

maybe all this doesnt make sense, but i guess that's life.. it doesnt make sense to everyone. But with God being your drummer and helping you in your character, your result is guarenteed to be an awesome KickAss song!

Kenji

Challenges..

2009-07-08T08:18:00.000-07:00

The challenges we face everyday,
Sometimes unnoticeable..
Sometimes it feels like everything's gonna be okay..
Sometimes we think we are unbreakable.

The challenges we face everyday,
Its right before our eyes,
Its right where we always put our heads to lay,
Its the times we have to lie.

She's a challenge everyday
Speechless moments just appear
Its difficult just to say a simple hey
Maybe its those random thoughts of fear.

Even when I see her everyday
I just suddenly lost my focus
Staring at her beautiful eyes.. there was nothing i could say
with awkward between us.

Please don't be mad,
I'm after all.. nervous when you are in front of me..

kenji

End..

2008-12-25T22:35:00.000-08:00

I figured if i think real hard.. i can remember all bout this year. Unfortunately I can't. So I think i m just gonna thank God for everything He has blessed me with this year.

God's gift to me was bringing me to Teenacity, i went there during the Christmas season in 2007.
He brought me new and cool frens =)
He made changed me from quiet and no self-confidence into some1 who can talk and have more confidence in the things i do.
I thank God he took pride out of me. Especially in drumming.
I thank God he helped me improve on my drumming skills.
He taught how to be a man.
He helped me grow in Him.
He helped me with my jealousy problem.
I thank God I didn't get into a lot of fights this year.
I thank God i'm still standing even in my situation. I know He s gonna take me out of it.

This are the 10 things tat I really wanna thank God for. But of course, thr's other stuff also. But just 10 will do for now =).

Msg to God : I wanna go out of 2008 being a revolution. Thanks for a Great Year!

Oh.. ok

2008-11-26T11:06:00.000-08:00

A man who thinks he's nothing.

He fell in love with a girl,
but he thinks she's too good for him.
He starts to think about his negative side.
Slowly, it finally cause him pain.

He notices she's popular,
and he's a quiet and unpopular,
who prefers to sit in the corner,
being silent as a mime.

Thinking because he's quiet,
he's uninteresting,
every attempt to make her laugh,
he fails and gives her a lame image.

He notices her beauty,
her sweet smile and joyful laughter,
and he sees himself as normal,
thinking it will never happen.

With such a low self esteem,
he notices he have sleepless nights,
just laying in bed,
thinking of pointless thoughts.

Everytime she talks to him,
he prefer to remain silent,
or at least just a hi,
he thinks it will save his image.

But finally he came to his senses,
he open himself to God,
and God took that burden away,
he could sleep with a sweet dream again.

He notices he has a handful of friends,
but all of them are his close friends,
just like a family,
and non of them say he s an outcast.

He notices he's not that uninteresting after all,
he have friends talking to him online,
he crack some jokes and make them laugh,
and some shares secrets with him.

He notices looks aren't important,
being a gentlemen is much more important,
knowing how to treat a girl,
and respect them in every way.

After all that,
He notices he's still not ready for her,
he still needs to grow,
so he chose to wait.

Every night he prays for her,
and he commits her onto the Lord,
knowing that she is not he's but the Lord's,
saying "if its Your will, then let it be done."

But Your love came to me.

Father..

2008-11-21T04:37:00.000-08:00

I'm not mad,
I too am sad that i can't do it,
but i don't think there is a choice,
It's ok, I ll take the full responsibility.

I look up to you,
even though sometimes you might not understand,
somehow, i know you are right,
you have thought me how to be a man.

In my life, I only seen you cry once,
and that time, i understood,
How much family means to you,
Thanks for teaching me that.

You always do your best to provide,
even though you have worries,
but u never show it,
You have taught me to be strong.

You put your pride aside,
when pride is important to you,
just to keep us going,
You taught me how to be humble.

You are a man of God,
you have have become my spiritual mentor,
now, i ll keep moving with God
because I have seen God's works through you.

You have taught me patience,
now, i too am always calm,
You've thought me when to be angry,
and now i can be angry at the right things.

Dad, you are my mentor in life,
You are a big blessing to me,
I don't think our family will be alive,
without you supporting and praying for us.

My prayer is for God to bless you,
I too want to bless you,
I promise I will give the best to you and mom,
I want both of you to enjoy the rest of your life.

Dad, thanks for everything,
thanks for your daily hugs,
thanks for your love,
I love you dad.

memories and the present..

2008-11-18T07:39:00.000-08:00

Seems like it was just yesterday,
I came to where I am today,
back to my home town,
where I remember thoughts that frown.

My grandpa used to be my best friend,
but when his time end,
i couldn't drop a tear,
but that has passed for over a years.

Time flies when you are growing up,
but I too see love ones giving up
either its on life or hope,
I m still holding on and trying to cope.

Back in sabah I was still a kid,
now in those clothes i could no longer fit,
Now, i still miss my friends back there,
now, about them more i care.

And here, I too met someone,
just when i thought i was done,
i didn't believe it at first,
but now it is worst.

But I know now ain't the time,
even thou it's not really a crime,
maybe I don't think i am good enough yet,
so i ll wait and grow to the strongest i can get.

Mentally and spiritually,
i know God wants it to be that way,
Thank you Lord for leading me,
and please mold me to the man You wan me to be.

random i guess ;)

Reasons

2008-11-16T09:55:00.000-08:00

Why do I always remain silent?
Because I don't wanna offend people

Why do I like cartoons?
Because i don't get to watch my favourite shows when I was a kid

Why do I like to play drums?
caus i think its cool =D

Why do I like to eat so much?
caus my parents say I eat too little or maybe i just have a big appetite

Why am I always so tired?
caus I don't get enough sleep

Why can't I laugh alone?
Caus its funnier with a group of people

Why was the previous post so emo?
Caus it was a random thought..

Why is it a random thought?
Caus i was bored

Why post a random thought?
Caus maybe it will make her smile.

Thoughts

2008-11-15T09:01:00.000-08:00

When i see you having fun with other guys,
i don't feel jealous at all..
in fact, i wonder to myself..
what can i do to just make your smile appear.

When i see you walking pass me,
I just wanna walk up and say hi,
or maybe even telling you how beautiful you look..
but i never have the courage to do it.

When i see you online,
i just wanna ask you how was your day..
or maybe just find out if you are still smiling,
but i never seem to find the right words.

When i m doing something,
i never fail to check if u messaged,
but when you messaged,
i can't say a word to you.

It seems i can never find the right words,
because i am afraid i ll say the wrong ones.